Ok, just a few minutes.
Working for Elliot at the stop 'n cough
was both challenging and a little gross.
But it was worth it because I was helping people.
And of course, I was getting
a little holy assist every now and then.
So what's the problem today, Dana?
I think I might have an ear infection. I'm not sure.
- Elliot. - Hmm?
I think her ears might be the "yeast" of her worries.
Got it.
Wait. Did you get it? 'Cause it's yeast?
Yes, I got it.
-I'll take it from here. -Okay.
Thank you.
Ah, I'm sorry, honey.
Feel better.
You gotta stop hugging the patients, Beth,
or you're gonna get sick.
Come on. A big hug is the best medicine.
Actually, penicillin is the best medicine.
Don't you notice how busy it's gotten
since I've started working here?
People come here for my comfort.
No, we're busier because that cracky hospital
on the Eastside just closed down due to lack of funding.
What?
Even I have time to read the news,
and I'm a doctor.
Emily was born in that hospital.
Wow, I had no idea you guys were so poor back then.
Was it still "bring your own sheets" in those days?
She was six weeks premature, okay?
We couldn't even make it to the nicer hospital.
They saved her life over there.
We practically lived there for a month.
I still send them Christmas cards.
They probably use them to cover bullet holes.
It's just too bad that they're shutting down.
I hope somebody does something to reopen it.
- Well, it'll take a miracle. - Hmm.
That's when God told me I should look in the mirror.
So I looked in the mirror for, like, 25 minutes,
but all I saw was me.
I wonder if I could pull off Michelle Obama bangs.
And then I realized...
I'm somebody.
He/she was talking about me.
I should do something!
- sync and corrections by Zac - - www.addic7ed.com -
Oh, nuts.
Oh, honey, don't get upset,
but the hospital that you were born in
just got shut down.
Well, it's a good thing I don't still sleep there.
Oh, Tom, you remember how many weeks we spent there?
How scared we were? How tiny she was?
How somebody stole your purse?
Yeah, but it didn't matter because I got a baby.
And we're almost 100% certain that you're ours.
Well, here's a thought. Would you let your baby go
to the cuyahoga county music festival
for her birthday this year
with her incredibly wholesome group of friends?
Mm, seems like a place you might get pregnant.
- Mom! - We'll think about it.
Okay.
It's only a couple of months away.
We'll see how things go.
Well, things are gonna go great.
Okay.
All right, I'm gonna go run the trail.
Yeah, okay. Hey, Tom, wait.
Real quick, I think we should sell the house.
Real quick? No.
No, come on, I looked into it, and the hospital only needs $150,000
and then it can get its accreditation back.
Let me guess. God wants you to help the hospital.
- Yeah. - This is what I feared.
I mean, look, it's one thing when the voices in your head
are telling you to paint some lady's house
or resuscitate a squirrel,
but you're talking about selling our home.
Yeah. We have more than we need.
You're scaring me, Beth.
This... this is... You're scaring me.
With the kind of money you're talking about,
you should host a charity event.
Oh, yeah.
I've always been suspicious of charities.
11, 12, 13. Huh.
Look. Exact change, yay.
Those coins are for starving children.
Not really, right?
When Pete was a kid, he sold dream catchers
to help raise money for people with diabetes.
Isn't that sweet?
- We did a walk for acid reflux. - I love it.
I love the idea of walking, or even running, you know?
Tom is doing a run right now on the trail,
right past Eastside hospital.
Why don't you do a trail run for charity?
And... and you could have former patients to volunteer.
That's a great idea.
A trail run to help save Eastside Park Hospital.
Oh, you guys, it's so great, and it's gonna be so special
'cause we're all gonna do it together.
Oh, uh, well, you know, Elliot and I
have a lot on our plate right now.
You know, Pete and I are too busy with the restaurant,
especially on the weekends, but...
- Good luck. - Good luck with it, though.
It sounds great. You ready for a refill?
Excuse me. Hi, honey.
Yeah, we were just talking about you.
Yeah, but...
Yeah, I'm the one that doesn't even like charities.
I have my beautiful daughter Emily in the Eastside Park Hospital.
Yeah, I was the size of an avocado when I was born.
And now, I'm this size.
It turned out that organizing a charity event was kind of fun.
Some people did wanna help.
The anchor at my old news station
invited me on, and Emily seemed genuinely excited.
Oh, definitely.
So Emily is gonna be Manning the website.
- Oh, you mean "womaning." - Womaning.
Womaning the website.
Here it is.
So if you just wanna sign up online
and get all your friends to sponsor you,
then together we will help heal a place that heals.
Good luck, Beth and Emily. Thanks a lot.
Thank you, Chris.
And we're out.
You know, my... My mother was a nurse
at Eastside Park Hospital for 40 years.
And she went to work one day, and it was locked up.
So you can count on me and my mom to give what we can.
Oh, thanks, Chris. Can we count on you to run?
Oh, no, I'm a cyclist, and my mom has arthritic knees.
But thanks for giving us a platform to help.
Hi!
Oh, hey, guys, guess what.
I figured out how you could help.
- Help what? - Help save the hospital.
Here's what you do: You give away
free pizza to all the runners.
It's great incentive for the runners,
and it's great business for you.
But giving away free pizza isn't really business.
Sounds like a great way to go out of business.
Well, okay.
Well, then how about offering a discount coupon?
You know? 50% off to all runners?
We're just not in a position to give away discounts.
Did she tell you that we're stealing electricity
from the dry cleaners next door?
Oh, no. That's too bad.
So you're strapped for cash. But you know what?
Some people don't have their health.
So you're saying we're selfish if we don't help your charity?
Well, no, I'm just saying, you know,
my charity does benefit everybody.
We're helping people by feeding them.
You feed middle-income people.
They all have good health insurance.
I think you could do better than that.
Well, I'm too polite to say what I wanna say,
but it involves some of the words from the wire.
I didn't even mind that I'd pissed off Jenna and Pete
because I was so convinced I was right.
Oh, hi, Beth.
- Whoo-hoo! - Is Elliot finished?
I'm right here, my love.
Ah, you guys look great. Where are you going?
We're going to see "Romeo and Juliet"
at the Ohio ballet.
It's a special performance for donor angels.
We "adopted" a ballerina this year.
Oh, and yet, you hardly did anything to help me save the hospital.
We gave $100 online.
Oh, wow. Thank you, Bill and Melinda.
Beth, the ballet is our pet charity.
We fell in love with the art form when we visited moscow.
That's the dumbest pet charity I've heard of.
A ballerina. A ballerina "adoption."
It's...
Let's go, Elliot.
We don't wanna be late for the golden pockets reception.
I don't feel comfortable
leaving her around the pharmaceuticals.
My charity is a real charity!
Tom, aren't you excited about our race tomorrow?
Oh, I'm excited for it to be over.
Oh, because of the volunteer huggers at the finish line?
No, I'm just tired of all the charity planning,
and the charity discussions, and that charity chant.
We won't fail. We'll run the trail.
And I'm hoping we can get our friends back after all this.
My friends are the 900 strangers who are going to race with us
who understand the meaning of greater good.
Do me a favor, and don't invite them
all back here after the race.
Hey, honey. How are we doin'?
We have two late entrants, "mikeruns1" and "built4speed".
Oh, Emily, thank you for being one of the good ones.
You really get it.
Doesn't it feel good to do good?
- Oh, yes. - Yeah.
But you know what would feel really good?
Actually winning the race.
That, yes, and you rewarding me for my maturity
and tireless contribution to this project
by letting me go to the music festival for my birthday.
Sure.
- Really? - Yes, really.
Yes!
Oh, my God, I have to text, like, ten people!
- Oh, wait, Em, Em. - Yes?
You weren't just helping me with this event
so that you can go to the concert, right?
Huh?
I mean, please tell me that if we don't save the hospital,
the hospital that saved your life,
you're gonna be as upset as I am, right?
Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, my brain would register it as sad.
But if I didn't go to the concert,
I would be devastated.
Well, start getting devastated, sweetie,
'cause you're not going.
- You serious? - Mm-hmm.
I helped you...
You helped me for the wrong reasons.
I thought you were doing it because it was something
you thought was important to do.
My birthday is important too!
You know what? Forget it.
You can keep me from the concert,
but I'm not gonna run with you in your stupid little race thing!
And I wish I was never born...
In that hospital.
So Emily had turned on me too,
and it was down to Tom and me and a bunch of strangers
to race for the greater good.
103 degrees? You can't race.
Oh, good, 'cause I don't wanna race.
- Good, because you can't. - Good, 'cause I don't want to.
Emily and I are gonna stay home today too,
take care of you.
No, what? Oh, I'm sorry, huh?
No. Wha... seriously?
Yes, Beth, I can't leave you like this.
- God says I have to run. - Well, I'm overruling him.
I'm not gonna let you run.
You could... You could die.
Oh, ohh!
You can't. Sorry, big guy is shouting.
Plus, the snot in my head is too much for me.
I swear to God that if you run,
you know, I'm... I'm... I'm gonna run the other way.
What... what does that mean?
It means you have to choose.
Me or God.
Oh, no, no, no, you don't want me to do that.
I-I'm really sorry, Tom, but I gotta go.
Would you put my pants on me?
Hi. Hi, I'm Beth Harper.
- I'm here for the race for... - I know who you are.
But you're late. They started 30 minutes ago.
Can I still run?
I don't know. Can you?
I don't know. Can I?
Thanks.
Rosie, shoot the gun again.
On your mark, get set...
Go get 'em, Beth!
I had so many questions as I ran.
Why was God making me suffer like this?
Should I stop and blow my nose with a leaf?
And would I have the guts to hit God in the face
if we ever met?
Ooh! Come on in, Beth.
Betty White?
Just an identity I threw on.
My Betty outfit always puts people at ease.
Okay.
So you're not really Betty?
- No. - Oh.
I'm God.
Oh.
- Oh, well, hey, I'm mad at you. - I know. I'm mad at you too.
So wait... Wait a minute. Am I in heaven?
Oh! Cocky, aren't you?
No? I'm not in heaven?
No.
You're dying in a ditch.
But we still have a little time to talk.
- Uh, cappuccino? - Wha...
hey.
Cappuccino?
Yeah, not too much. It'll keep me up.
- So why are you mad at me? - You go first.
Well, I'm mad because ever since
you've come into my life, my life keeps getting harder.
But I didn't just come into your life.
Don't you remember this day?
Roll film.
Oh, hey, that's me after I started that new school.
Oh, I hated that place until...
Until Andre showed up.
Hey, why don't you come hang out with my group of friends?
- That's okay. - Come on.
Everybody will think you're cool.
Why? Because you're black?
No, because we're cool, you racist.
Wait. So you were Andre?
Yeah.
That's why he had to move to Chickawaka two weeks later.
That's not a real city, Beth.
So you still mad at me?
Well, yeah, come to think of it,
because you keep pitting me against Tom.
And I'm afraid he's gonna leave me.
Oh, don't worry about him.
He can handle more than he thinks.
That's why I picked him for you.
Wait, you picked him for me?
Yeah. I was there when you met. Don't... don't you remember?
Roll film.
Oh!
Oh, let me get that for you.
Oh... thanks.
- Probably gonna need that later. - Aw, thank you.
He's nice, huh?
Um...
- So you were that stripper? - Yeah.
Oh, this is so much fun. Do you have any snacks?
Sure.
Wha...
Ma'am, can you open your eyes?
Apparently, organizer Beth Harper arrived late to the starting line,
and according to one of the senior citizen volunteers,
appeared slow, and perhaps sick,
or possibly drugged up.
She's jealous of your body.
That's the crux of all mother-daughter issues.
Well, I swear to God I'm going to that concert.
And I'm gonna get pregnant just to spite her.
Oh, it's from Jenny. "Check out your mom"?
So... why were you mad at me?
You went holier-than-thou.
That's my least favorite emotion.
What are you talking about?
Betty, I was trying to save the hospital like you told me to do.
Yeah, but you acted like you were my gift to the world.
I thought I was.
You all are, but you've gotta work together.
Yeah, but it's so hard when you're telling people
what to do, and you're doing it for the right reasons,
- but they won't do it. - Oh, welcome to my hell.
Just lead by example. That's all I want you to do.
Hey, could you just sprinkle some fairy dust on them?
Make them like me again?
- No. - Oh.
You have to apologize to them yourself
and eat some humble pie.
Okay. Oh, hey, that reminds me.
Can we get... Can we get that snack guy back?
I want some licorice.
You are so lazy.
Get up. Don't die in your ditch.
I forgot about that.
- Mm. - Thanks, Betty.
It's kind of a miracle. She's up, she's moving,
and she's determined to save Eastside Park Hospital.
- Beth, what keeps you going? - God.
Apparently, someone named "Todd."
Back to you, Chuck.
Guys.
You're not gonna believe this one.
Is she okay? She looks terrible.
Beth, is there anything you want to say
to the people watching?
Oh, yeah, I wanna say something to my friends.
I'm so sorry.
They know what for.
I was wrong.
If you were here, I would humble myself before you.
I-I would eat humble pie if I had it.
Hey. Hey! That's what I'm gonna do!
I'm gonna eat... Humble mud pie
to show you how much I am sorry.
It's okay, Beth.
No!
Ugh! What that woman doesn't know about germs.
- You want some? - No, I'm good.
Are you sorry?
No, I'm s...
- Are we getting this? - So sorry.
- Mom! - Beth!
- Mom! - Oh, you're here.
What... what are you doing here?
If we can't get you to stop,
we're gonna make sure you finish.
- Oh. - All right, come on.
We got this.
Come on. Just go. Just go for it.
We got this. We got this.
Come on.
Here she comes.
There she is.
- Come on! - Almost there!
- Yeah! - Whoo! Yeah!
You did it. You did it.
I'm sick.
- Oh, whoa. - I'm sick.
So, Beth, according to your website,
your charity raised almost $143,000.
That's $7,000 short of your goal.
- How does that feel? - We didn't save the hospital?
- No. - Oh, I'm so sorry, mom.
Seriously? I almost killed myself!
I'm sorry. I'm such a handful.
Yes, you are.
But let's talk about that when you're feeling better.
In my defense, I bought you a lap dance
the first night we met,
so you must have known I was a little bit nuts.
Lucky me, right? All right, get some sleep.
Tell God I'm locking the door for the night.
I'll tell her if I see her.
Oh, it's a her now.
I'll explain in the morning.
Oh. Oh, I'm sorry.
Uh, so... I, uh...
- I was looking for God. - It's me, Andre.
Get it?
Oh.
Okay.
I get it. Uh-huh.
So tell me.
If I didn't save the hospital, what was the point?
Life is a journey of figuring out
what the point is, Beth.
Come on. We go way back.
Cut the crap.
First of all, the cracky hospital has structural problems.
It needs to be torn down.
Second of all, you've already changed everything today.
- Come on. - Just look.
Pete and Jenna got religion today.
They're gonna start delivering meals
to the needy once a month.
Oh, that's great.
You guys are doing such a good job.
You're not, David, but I'm only kidding.
Oh.
Maggie cannot let you be the biggest martyr.
Hi, I'm Maggie, and I will be racing
across America for breast cancer.
Elliot has finally started doing pro Bono work.
I've worked on him for years to get this done.
And I'm saving the best for last.
It is an honor to be receiving this award.
My team and I have built seven hospitals around the world,
and we're still going strong.
And the question I get most often is,
what inspired you to do what you do?
And the answer is quite simple.
My mom.
Does she really do that?
Well, there's an infinite number of possibilities,
but this one is a favorite around here.
But it's possible?
We got our work cut out for us.
You in?
Oh, hell yeah.
Thanks, God.
Welcome aboard, Beth.
I really don't know whether my meetings with God
were real or just a fever dream, but I know they were inspiring.
And more than anything,
that's who and what God is to me.
An inspiration, a reason to finish the race.
- Well, you're looking better. - How are you feeling?
Good as new, guys. Good as new.
Good.
- Paper? - Yes, please.
- sync and corrections by Zac - - www.addic7ed.com -